Always the Same
by The Cypress Scholar
Summary: It was always the three of them together, floating quietly in the warmth of the night. It was never for pleasure. It was out of necessity, to convince yourself that you weren't alone." SquallxZellxSelphie. Threesome. Angst. Oneshot


"It was always the three of them together, floating quietly in the warmth of the night. It was never for pleasure. It was out of necessity, to convince yourself that you weren't alone." SquallxZellxSelphie. Threesome. Angst.

Author's Notes: I'm quite surprised there are no threesome fanfics for this game. Being the first one is always daunting, but I hope someone will like it and review. I've always liked these three characters and felt there could be potential for such a situation to develop here. I'm worried that Zell might be slightly out of character, but who knows, perhaps he is a sensitive guy deep down? Anyway, please read and review, I'm a starving author, y'know?

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Always the Same.

The departure from the ruins of Trabia Garden that night had not been a pleasant one. A relief, perhaps, for most of the students of the mobile Balamb Garden; they probably felt uncomfortable by the knowledge that they had come within seconds of the same fate themselves. Once out on the high seas, however, they quickly forgot about their fallen kin and carried on with their lives.

Selphie can't forget though. She lived at Trabia, lived with those people, laughed with those people, cried with those people. And now they are dead. Gone. Forever.

She can't sleep tonight. There is too much sadness in the air, too much longing in the heart, for her to sleep. Whenever she feels this way, she quietly leaves her room and tiptoes across the length of the hall to Room 197. It's always the same. Her teeth are always chattering because her yellow pyjamas are paper-thin and her feet are always frozen because she never remembers to bring her slippers.

She knocks quietly and Zell opens the door. He is not surprised to see her. With a smile and a nod, he holds the door open and lets her in. It's always the same.

The window is open and the curtains are swaying in the salty sea wind. The room is wracked with the coldness of the night and Selphie shivers a little. The lamp which is the only source of light in the room gives out an illusory feel of warmth. Zell closes the door quietly and softly says to his friend, "It's Trabia, ain't it?"

Selphie doesn't look at him, but she lowers her head, her shoulders quivering, and she finally chokes out a response, "...Yes..."

He puts his hand on her shoulder, "I'm sorry."

"It's alright," she sighs, turning. Walking over to him, she says, "I just want to be near you tonight, that's all." She walks into his cradling embrace and stares at the wall as his normally rough and violent hands hold her lovingly, willing the pain away as best they can.

After what seems like a blissful eternity, Zell lets her go and takes her hand. He leads her over to the bed and climbs in. She stays standing up and as he strokes her hand, he says, "I don't think you wanna be alone tonight, right? If so, then, well, y'know the drill."

"Sure do," she replies gratefully, "Thanks Zell. I appreciate it."

She gets into bed and snuggles up close to him. He holds her tight and whispers unknown things in her ear. Once, he kisses her dark, shining hair and soon she is kissing him back. The sweet tang of love begins to blossom in the air, but is interrupted by a knocking at the door.

Breaking the kiss, Zell asks, "Hey, who is it?"

"Squall," comes the reply.

"Come in."

The door opens and shuts again. Squall stands there in a black dressing gown, looking with no particular expression at his two friends in the bed. Selphie looks back at him and manages a friendly smile, "Hey..."

"Hello," he replies crisply.

Silence for a moment.

"Aren't you going to get in as well?" she finally asks.

Another silence.

"Alright then."

He climbs in, to no surprise or objection. This is, after all, a time-honoured tradition. All three of them know why and how they came to be here and the story and feelings behind it. It's always the same.

They were the original odd group; Selphie, the cheerful, happy-go-lucky messenger, Zell the charismatic maniac and Squall, the moody loner. The training mission in Dollet and the whims of destiny had flung them together and they had fought their way to success, past shuddering brushes with death. Victory had been theirs. They became SeeDs.

Celebrations had ensued in Selphie's quarters; Zell had been invited for a drink and even Squall joined in, although this was probably due to the fact that he lived in the room next door and Selphie had dragged him in to toast their victory whether he liked it or not. Drinks were passed around and the next thing they knew, they were in her bed.

They had seen the face of death, and it had made them realise how their lives hung in the balance. Behind all the pomp, dress and prestige, there was always the real and present danger of dying. They never admitted it to each other, but each of them was scared. Squall never showed any emotion, Zell was too tough to admit it and Selphie always covered it up with a smile and a song. But they were afraid and lonely. And they found their salvation in each other.

It became a regular thing, whenever one of them felt lonely or sad, for them to gather together and...just be there. Sex was optional, but it happened most of the time, the inevitable result of such a situation. It was always the three of them together, floating in the warmth of the night. It was never for pleasure. It was for survival, to convince yourself that you weren't alone. It generally worked; Selphie felt that she could face the day ahead and the dangers that it would bring. They never talked about it, and Selphie wondered at times why Squall, the lone-wolf, bothered to join in, but it worked. That was all that mattered.

The entry of Squall initially causes some uncomfortable readjustment. Zell bangs against the side of the wall and quietly curses. Selphie shifts up towards Zell, but still feels slightly squeezed as Squall takes his place. Zell whines a little as his back is pressed against the cold wall, and for a second, Selphie swears that she can remember a strand of childhood, where three young children, two boys and a girl, hide under the sheets of the same bed, hoping that their being together will dissuade the monsters in the cupboard from coming for them...

Zell starts. Squall just lies there, unconcerned, simply content to just be present at first. Selphie slips into Zell's arms and lets herself be taken by him. He gently removes her pyjama top and she shivers in the cold, but only momentarily, as Zell brings her down into the warmth of the sheets and his embrace.

She prefers Zell. Despite his lack of technique, his passion more than makes up for it. When she is with him, she feels safe, happy, able to float away on a cloud of security and ecstasy. He is so warm to the touch, so passionate, so...emotional. She clings to him as they make love, feeling her pain dissipate as she is cradled in his embrace. Squall begins to join in around this time, half-heartedly stroking the back of her neck and once kissing her fair shoulder. Selphie is glad of it, for nothing assuages her more than the two most important men in her life supporting her, making her feel special, safe and loved. She doesn't experience the intense crescendo of orgasm as Zell begins to peak, but she doesn't care. He has done enough. As he withdraws, he kisses her and whispers, "Remember, Selph, you're never alone."

Squall snorts. Selphie feels Zell's hand clench into a fist, but she taps it away with a push of her hand, whispers, "Thank you" in his ear and turns over to Squall. She expects a sarcastic comment, a dig or a lecture, but instead feels his lips on hers, the light, dancing touch of his fingers across her arms, her neck, everywhere that makes her quiver...

Squall...Squall just makes her melt inside. Did he have any experience before her? She thinks not, which makes his technique all the more amazing. Yet his kisses lack the passion and drive of Zell, the warmth and intensity that he brings. Squall's lips leave touches of ice upon her body and she shivers at them. She prefers Zell, definitely, even if she dies at the mere touch of Squall's fingertip.

Zell sleeps. Selphie blossoms as Squall expends himself, her mouth forming a silent gasp of satisfaction. Squall kisses her one last time for good measure and then leaves her. There is no embrace, no intimacy of the kind that Zell brings. And she feels alone again.

There is nocturnal quiet for myriad moments as the two consider...nothing in particular. Finally, Selphie speaks.

"Why do we do this?" she asks aloud, staring at the ceiling.

"Because we're weak," Squall replies.

"No!" she insists, "We're not weak! We're just taking comfort in each other, because things get rough sometimes. That's not weak."

"Weak."

She sits up and hisses at him, "Why, Squall? Why is it so weak?"

"We get too close to each other," he replies stoically, coldly, "That's not the right way. This is a dangerous job. People die. What if one day Zell or I don't come back? What then? You'll be griefstricken...unnecessarily. It doesn't pay to get too close to people in this business. You only end up losing them..."

"No! _No!_" she retorts, "You've got it all wrong! That's what makes our jobs the way they are. Friendship, trust, bonding! It's all there, it's wonderful and it keeps us going! Without it, we're lonely. With it, even though we may lose them, we still have them with us, in spirit. You know what they say? "Tis better to have loved and lost-""

"That's ridiculous, Selphie," snorts Squall dismissively, "The pain's just that much stronger when they die. Better to never have loved and to still be whole."

"No! You're still wrong!" she replies, on the verge of anger and frustration, "Let me tell you something, Squall Leonhart, something that I don't think you have a chance of realising if you really think that way. I lived at Trabia. I knew those people, those dead and dying people who had names and hopes and aspirations, just like you and me. I knew them well, far better than I know anyone else. I'd just as easily have died in their place! And I'm glad I feel sad! That way, I know I'm _alive!_"

Silence.

"I lost my friends at Trabia... I loved them and now they're dead, and I still love them. I always will. And I would never trade that just so that I could stop being sad, Squall. You gotta understand that, because, if you don't, then I pity you. You'd never be able to understand," her voice quivers at this point, "u-understand how I feel!"

She weeps bitterly, breaking down completely. Through her poignant veil of tears...she can see Squall shed a single tear. And she understands.

The most remarkable thing. Through the painful mist of her own misery, she sees his, stark and clear. She may have lost that which she loved, but he has never loved anything, and that is far, far worse than her loss. She sees Squall for what he is; the loneliest man in the world, the young boy in the orphanage, the awkward teen at the Garden, the lone-wolf thrust into the limelight. She sees now the reluctant lover, who comes to these intimate meetings in the hope that he will be able to take some of that emotion away and hold onto it, and fashion feelings out of them. And yet he can't, he simply can't bring himself to feel anything, lest it break the mould of calm and collected dignity that he has created for himself. That is his personal tragedy. She pities him, feels his secret, repressed pain.

Selphie reaches out tentatively and places her hand on Squall's face. His face is...so cold; her hand nearly jumps away in shock, but she holds steady and strokes his face gently, lovingly. He does not pull away in disgust, but lies there and lets the girl caress him. Selphie wonders why he permits her. Does he perhaps feel something after all?

"I love you, you know that?" she whispers, smiling.

Squall closes his eyes, his face betraying a hint of pain, and whispers in reply, "I know."

"Don't you love me and Zell too? You must do...to come here and be with us...with me. Why else would you come?"

He turns away. Selphie pulls her hand back, sliding it slowly over Squall's neck and back. She says, slightly louder, "You can't be like this forever, Squall. One day, you'll have to be a real human being. One day, you'll have to learn to love. One day, you'll have to accept that you feel something, for Quistis, Rinoa, Irvine, Zell...and me too."

She looks back at the ceiling and listens as outside the wind rushes around the stationary Garden and inside the world stands still, as these three very different people sleep in the warmth of their shared lives and fears, waiting for the hated dawn when they must pick up their weapons and fight yet again. Their lives hang in the balance, they wage a war they never wanted to fight. One plays the tough macho warrior, one plays the optimistic ray of sunshine and one shuts the world out, fearing love, affection and friendship.

It's always the same.


End file.
